The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not Warnings from Citigroup and UBS, or Upbeat Comments on Barrick Gold

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• A warning from Citigroup (C)...
• A warning from UBS AG (UBS) about "an unexpected third-quarter loss and plans to cut 1,500 jobs after writing down the value of fixed-income securities"...
• Optimistic comments on Barrick Gold Corp. (ABX) and AngloGold Ashanti Ltd. (AU) as it is said they "may rise faster than gold in the next 12 months after lagging behind for most of the metal's eight-year rally"...
• The shutdown of NetBank (NTBK) "by the government on Friday because of an unsustainable level of mortgage defaults"...
• The buyout of Navteq (NVT) by Nokia (NOK)...
• Earnings from Walgreens (WAG)...
• Some optimism [subscription required] on Amazon.com (AMZN) and eBay Inc. (EBAY) as it is said "Wall Street is re-evaluating how to measure growth...and the change is helping to send the stocks of both companies higher"...
• Some skepticism [subscription required] on the economy and the market as it is said "the economic outlook sure doesn't seem bright" and this could offer a surprise to investors...
• Signs of resiliency [subscription required] from the IPO market...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest news today is a trio from the world of not-quite sports news...

• Bengals fight stadium's pooping pigeons..."The owners of the stadium where the Cincinnati Bengals play have withdrawn a request seeking city approval to shoot pigeons that have been pooping on fans during games"...
• Holyfield vs. Foreman II: Battle of the grills...Holyfield "is preparing to unveil the 'Evander Holyfield Real Deal Grill,' a direct competitor to Foreman's famous 'Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine"...
• N.H. Pumpkin Tosser Knocked Out By Launcher..."The first weekend of pumpkin flinging season ended abruptly Sunday in Greenfield when one of the operators of a catapault-like device was knocked out in a freak accident"...

Okay, before anyone even this thinks it, the Bengals story does not involve Chris Henry...

As far as the "competing grills" story goes - how can you argue with Holyfield's logic when he says - "I've got a George Foreman grill. It's a good grill...But don't you think the latest grill is supposed to be the best grill?""

And for the "freak" trebuchet accident - who would have though that a medieval weapon of war used to toss pumpkins 300 yards could be dangerous? Can you really call it a "freak accident" if you almost expect something bad to happen?