The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not RIMM Probe, Genentech Earnings, or Wal-Mart

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Earnings from Research In Motion (RIMM) that came with the announcement of an "informal inquiry" by the SEC...
• Better-than-expected earnings from Genentech (DNA)...the biotech concern earned 74 cents per share, compared to estimates from Thomson Financial of 67 cents...
• A same-store sales report from Wal-Mart Stores (WMT) that showed a better-than-expected March "but delivered a dour forecast for April"...
• Downbeat sentiment about the economy as it is said "The bearish case is being expressed by a lot of Americans who spend more time thinking about the price of regular gasoline or a loaf of bread than price-earnings multiples"...
• Speculation that Google (GOOG) is moving into voice-based search technology...
• Commentary from Herb Greenberg on NovaStar (NFI)...
• A recap of the FOMC minutes that were released yesterday...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story, courtesy of Mark "I like to tackle people" Fightmaster, is this - Police: ATM thief's fake leg falls off in escape bid...according the "story highlights":

• "Police: Man used a chain and pickup truck to steal 1,500-pound ATM"
• "They say he was caught when his prosthetic leg fell off during the getaway"

You have to hope that this guy will just plead guilty after being caught so red handed. Besides, I would guess his lawyer would advise that he didn't have a...

Yeah, I just couldn't bring myself to type it out...