The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not Funds from Bear Stearns and Macquarie or Dow Jones

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Word that yet another hedge fund from Bear Stearns could be in trouble...
• Hedge fund concerns from Australia's Macquarie Bank...
• A very worthwhile commentary from Todd Harrison over at Minyanville...
• A merciful end to the seemingly never-ending sage that has been News Corp. (NWS), Dow Jones (JD), Rupert Murdoch and the Bancroft family...News Corp. will purchase Dow Jones for $5.6 billion...
• Earnings from Time Warner (TWX)...
• A recap of yesterday's decline after American Home Mortgage Investment Corporation (AHM) renewed concerns...
• Soothing words from Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson that "U.S. sub-prime mortgage fallout is largely contained and that the global economy is as strong as it has been in decades"...(note - I haven't been this reassured since yesterday's promise that "transcendental meditation" would push the market higher...)

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story is this - Monkey unlocks pen, eludes zoo staff...it would seem that zoo keepers were outsmarted by "a white-faced capuchin monkey that apparently managed to unlock his pen and escape"...

This story, of course, follows the one from just two weeks ago where a red panda outwitted its human captors...and the incredibly embarrassing story of those scientists who kept getting outsmarted by the great ape...

Com'on people - you are representing mankind! We are supposed to be the dominant species...