The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not GM, JNJ, or Sowood Capital (But Think Dow 17,000)

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Stronger-than-expected earnings from General Motors (GM)...according to this article, the automaker reported adjusted earnings of $2.48 a share compared to estimates of $1.13...
• A restructuring plan at Johnson & Johnson (JNJ) that will "prune 3% to 4% of its global workforce"...
• Word of another hedge fund problem...Sowood Capital lost more than half its value "prompting it to sell its portfolio to another hedge fund and return the remaining $1.5 billion to investors"...
• Upbeat comments on Eagle Outfitters (AEO)...
• The continued waiting game for Rupert Murdoch in his bid for Dow Jones (DJ)...
• A look into an experiment from Symantec (SYMC) called Dark Vision that "allows the security software maker to track and read sale offers made online for information including names, social security numbers and credit card numbers"...
• Advice that "you shouldn't freak out when you see triple-digit moves in the Dow"...
• Venture capital funding for Action Engine, which is said to be a rival to Apple's (AAPL) iPhone...
• Earnings from Sun Microsystems (SUNW)...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story is this - Meditators predict Dow 17,000, near U.S. utopia...according to this article (no, I am not making this up), "a group of meditators promise their good vibrations will send the index past 17,000 within a year"...(not making this part up either) "A group called the Invincible America Assembly made that claim and more on Friday, insisting they have America's prosperity under control and their positive vibes will bring fewer hurricanes and better U.S.-North Korean relations"...

The group of 1,800 people is said to practice "transcendental meditation" which "releases harmonious waves which benefit all aspects of U.S. life"...among other things like North Korea's nuclear reactor, the group claims it is responsible for the recent new high in the Dow and low unemployment rates. The group's leader compares transcendental meditation "to the invention of electricity"...(nope - still not making any of this up - read the article!)...

I must admit that I am somewhat at a loss to argue against the power of transcendental meditation. Earnings? Expectations? Economic growth? Technicals? I can dissect those measures and either agree or disagree. But the power of transcendental meditation? That's hardcore Monty Python type of analysis. I guess there is nothing left but to buy calls and sit back and watch the meditation rally?