The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not Earnings from Oracle and Nike, Dollar Lows, or Google at 600

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• A better-than-expected earnings report from Oracle Corp. (ORCL)...
• A better-than-expected earnings report from Nike (NKE)...
• An argument for Google (GOOG) to push above 600 and hit a new high...
• A new low for the dollar when measured against the Euro...
• A move by Merrill Lynch to downgrade gold stocks, Barrick Gold Corp. (ABX) and Agnico-Eagle Mines (AEM), as gold hits a new high...
• A look into Goldman Sachs' (GS) "golden quarter"...
• An SEC subpoena for Apple's (AAPL) CEO Steve Jobs...
• An apology to China from Mattel (MAT)...
• Free downloads of NBC programs...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story is the combination of the two articles below that continue yesterday's theme of the "frailty of thought process"...

• Drunk man gets trapped in ex's chimney - "Firefighters had to tear though a wall to rescue an intoxicated man who became stuck while trying to climb down a chimney into the residence of his former girlfriend"...
• Errant text message leads to drug bust - "A man who thought he was asking a friend about a drug deal instead sent a text message to the state police and was arrested"...

The "chimney" story has the added twist in that police had to get involved because homeowner "was hampering the rescue effort by blocking the fireplace." She was quoted as saying "I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die". An exact quote from the article has the man saying "Everyone do stupid things sometimes when they're drunk".

Of course, some things are dumber than others...