The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not Retail Sales, Northern Rock, Global Alpha or Discount Borrowing

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• A weaker-than-expected retail sales report that showed "sales increased a healthy 0.3% in August, but all the gains were for cars and trucks"...
• Renewed mortgage concerns after British firm Northern Rock tapped the Bank of England for funding...
• A huge loss at Goldman Sachs's (GS) Global Alpha hedge fund...
• An article that says - "Fed can't stop recession"...
• Apprehension that the Fed may only cut a quarter of a percentage point....
• Comments from Bernie in BusinessWeek about Nokia (NOK)...
• A busy week for the Fed's discount window as banks borrowed the "most since just after the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001"...
• A look into how "sin stocks" are beating out so called "socially and morally responsible" funds...
• Favorable comments on drug-coated stents...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story is, courtesy of my colleague Beth Gaston Moon, this - The abandoned monkey who has found love with a pigeon...according to the article, "The 12-week-old macaque - who was abandoned by his mother - was close to death when it was rescued on Neilingding Island, in Goangdong Province. After being taken to an animal hospital his health began to improve but he seemed spiritless - until he developed a friendship with a white pigeon."...

Make sure you click through to the article to see the world's cutest picture of this little tiny baby monkey hugging the white pigeon. Now...

Consider what that offspring is going to look like and you get the terrifying image below. It is all cute monkey hugs until the witch breeds a group of these flying demon spawn. Next thing you know you are walking down some yellow street with a dude dressed in a cat costume. Someone end this before it starts!!!