The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not Apple, Texas Instruments, DuPont, AT&T, Netflix or Under Armour Skepticism

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• Better-than-expected earnings from Apple (AAPL)...
• Earnings, and lowered guidance, from Texas Instruments (TXN)...
• Earnings, and higher guidance, from DuPont (DD)...
• Earnings from AT&T Inc (T)...
• Earnings from Netflix (NFLX)...
• Earnings from Lexmark International (LXK)...
• Some mild skepticism [subscription required] on Under Armour (AU) as the earnings report looms next week...
• A look at the financial sector as a proxy for the market's prospects...
• A look into Microsoft (MSFT) and the European Commission....
• Advice on "how to ace a phone interview"...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story, courtesy once again of Mark Fightmaster, is this - Wild monkeys attack a New Delhi deputy mayor who falls to his death..."the deputy mayor of New Delhi was on the balcony of his home when he was attacked by a gang of Rhesus macaques...causing him to fall"...

I know, I know, I know - you are tired of hearing about the animal uprising I just mentioned yesterday but today's article has a twist.

Aside from pointing to more evidence the animals are plotting against us, it also offers evidence of why they might have a good shot of pulling it off. Check out the quote below...

"City authorities have employed monkey catchers who use a larger and fiercer kind of monkey to scare and catch the macaques. But that hasn't stopped the problem."

As I said to Mark - the "solution" for aggressive monkeys is to bring in a "larger and fiercer kind of monkey"??? Seriously? That is the plan? More, bigger, meaner monkeys to scare off the other monkeys? Even if it does work, you still have a monkey problem. A larger and fiercer monkey problem. I am scared to ask what the solution to that problem would be...