The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not Las Vegas CES or Oil Mergers

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• The kickoff of the 2007 International Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Las Vegas...execs from Motorola (MOT) and Nokia (NOK) are speaking this morning...today's agenda can be found here...
• A couple of merger deals from the oil patch as General Electric (GE) goes after Vetco Gray while Forest Oil Corp (FST) makes a bid to buy to Houston Exploration (THX)...
• A merger rejection by Caremark Rx (CMX) as the company rebuffs Express Scripts (ESRX) in favor of CVS Corp...
• A lowered forecast for oil as Goldman Sachs cuts its estimate to $69 a barrel...
• Postive comments on the tech sector as UBS upgrades the group to overweight...
• A look into seven new exchange-traded funds (ETFs) from Deutsche Bank that focus on commodities...the new funds: PowerShares DB Agriculture Fund (DBA), PowerShares DB Base Metals Fund (DBB), PowerShares DB Energy Fund (DBE), PowerShares DB Precious Metals Fund (DBP), PowerShares DB Oil Fund (DBO), PowerShares DB Silver Fund (DBS) and PowerShares DB Gold Fund (DGL)....

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story is this - Farm worker attacked by herd of pigs...and so it begins...one of my bigger fears appears to be playing out - a pig uprising...for years these animals have been plotting to take over the world and it would seem that they have gathered up the masses to establish the first strike...however, humanity won't go down without a fight - we can survive...do your part...be on the lookout for suspicious pigs and start every day with bacon or ham - or both...together we can triumph!!!

For those who don't share my concerns and chose to believe the "official" story - a farm worker was knocked over by a sow but he only "suffered bumps and bruises and a head injury though it is not considered to be life-threatening"...