The! Biggest! News! of! the! Day! - Not Upbeat IBM Earning, or Lackluster eBay Action

Here are some of the contenders for today's biggest...news...of...the...day...

• An upbeat earnings report from IBM (IBM)...the stock is poised to gain four percent or so at the open...
• Earnings from eBay (EBAY)...the stock is still indicated to open with a slight loss....
• A recap of what Ben Bernanke said yesterday...
• Earnings from Motorola (MOT)...
• Earnings from Juniper Networks Inc. (JNPR)...
• A look into the decline of the US dollar versus the euro and the British pound...
• Chatter about a possible buyout of Macy's (M)...
• Some skepticism on Bear Stearns (BSC) in the wake of two of its hedge funds collapsing...

While those are all stories worth watching, I think it is obviously clear that the biggest story is...well...(still) yesterday's article about - bot fly larvae living beneath a man's skin...I usually don't repeat articles but come on - THERE ARE FLIES THAT LAY EGGS UNDER YOUR SKIN!!! Why has science not found a way to eradicate this?

Seriously. We have seen scientists working on the "issues" below, can't we get some of them to work on preventing our skin from getting impregnated with fly larvae? I know the chance of an "infestation" seems low but still...

• equations to describe beer froth
• the mathematics of the famous "silly walks"
• difference between a great Gouda and wasted milk
• caffeinated doughnuts.
• and let's not forget those scientists that keep getting fooled by the ape pulling the fire alarm

P.S. And for the record, my colleague Elizabeth "I Fear No Fly" Harrow believes this should be the biggest story of the day - Tooth pulled ... from rugby player's forehead...its not quite as disturbing as bot fly larvae, but close...real close...